We all compare, every single one of us.
We compare ourselves to our old self, the one that had bounds of energy pre-kids, the body we would give anything to have again, the inspiration and motivation we had for life, the success and importance we used to have or the fun and carefree relationship we had with our partners. We compare to other women, she seems to have it altogether, she is so fit and healthy, she has so much time to do so much, she is successful in her career, she is able to stay home with her children, she has a supportive partner, her kids are well behaved, or she has so many nice things.
This is what I call the lack comparison. It’s when we compare ourselves to our old self or someone else and believe that they have something we don’t or can’t have.
There is also another type of comparison I like to call the better than comparison. This is when we compare ourselves to someone else and think we are better than them, we judge their decisions, we make comments on their parenting, we gossip to others about all the things they have but perhaps don’t deserve.
Both types of comparison are coming from a place of fear. When we are in this head space all our “not good enoughs” ripple or rush to the surface. Even when we are judging others and in the better than comparison mindset, this is still coming from fear because we sense an unworthiness in ourselves that we need to put others down to make ourselves feel better inside.
Now don’t go getting all self-judgy or defensive… because all of us have done this before. It doesn’t mean we are bad people, it simply means we haven’t dealt with those unworthiness worries that are feeding our thoughts and our behaviours.
Comparison is keeping you stuck.
When you are comparing yourself to someone else or comparing yourself with how you used to be… you are sending a subliminal message into your soul that you are not worthy. Every time you fall into the comparison trap you push yourself further into that spiral. But what separates those that live in this place pf fear and those who can move past this and step forward with love?
They believe in themselves. They know they have their own inherent worthiness and nothing can break that inner knowing. They may have moments when they are rattled, because we all have times in life when we lapse back into self-doubt. But the ones who pick themselves back up and reaffirm their worthiness will find success in their life.
When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible – Brené Brown
When you believe in yourself, your past and everyone else no longer matters, they no longer hold hostage to your feelings or your value. Belief is the key to letting go of the comparison, judgement and lack mindset.
What you have and who you are in this very moment is so divinely perfect. You are a gift and no external factor, no reassurance from someone else, no better body, better job, better husband is ever going to be able to permanently replace your own sense of self-worth.
Stop comparing and thinking about what you don’t have.
From today start consciously focusing on what you do have and see how your mindset will shift from one of comparison and lack to one of love and self-worthiness.
Want to really dig deep and start to break free of these self limiting beliefs and patterns? Grab a copy of my book Living with Grace: a mum's guide to self discovery & reconnection amid the beautiful madness of parenting.
It's a guided process for healing your created stories about yourself, reconnecting with the woman you lost when you became a mum, reigniting your passion for life and learning to live in each moment with grace.
Find out more over on my BOOK page.
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