Your weight does not equate to your worth

We hear the term thrown around everywhere nowadays, self care. We are seeking it, wanting more of it or even a small part of it to come into our lives. The biggest struggle is knowing the importance but not being able to make it a priority. Worse still – we don’t understand the consequences of not embracing it.      Over my time as a mum, like most of us, I have thrown myself into this role. Nothing was too much, late night crying with our baby drained me, but I would always be there for her. Hours or more of settling our toddler would frustrate me but I can’t bear to let him cry it out. With a busy schedule as a stay at home mum I always made time for them with park plays, special craft projects and just sitting being. Like II said, I love being a mum and nothing was too much trouble  .  But now I have this unshakable feeling that it IS too much trouble. I’m overwhelmed, resentful, angry and really dropping the ball in the mum department. It actually hurts my heart to think about the shift in me over the past few months and how my world has morphed into a place of stress and disconnect. How this new world we currently live within would never be a safe and comforting place for our babies to call home.     In my defence, I know that these changes within me are not due to a personal shift in feelings and desires. I haven’t suddenly stopped wanting to be mummy and “go and find myself”. Life is happening as it does, and it’s doing so with such force and heaviness that the waves it’s making feel like they are tearing apart my strength. I am now facing depression again after years of finally feeling like I had reconnected. It was never perfect but it was no longer controlling my life, yet now I’m back in that same place wondering how this happened despite working so hard before. On top of this we had the dreadful news that my mum has terminal cancer and we can’t save her. Those words more painful every time I say it. How do you even process that? Accept that? I can’t.     I don’t even know where to begin. So I can see with that full force of life stuff going on around me why my world as a mum feels overwhelming and frustrating to say the least. It explains why I feel sad, disconnected and asking myself how I have let myself change so much and left my little ones with a mummy facing up to the hard truths in life and leaving them aside.     God that hurts … leaving them aside.     If I am able to take in all that is going on and place in a box for later… the truth of it is, nothing in that box made me disconnect, none of it was the catalyst for me suddenly feeling like I can’t do this mum thing anymore.     The catalyst was not caring for myself. The start of the transitioning monster was because I left myself behind one too many times. Because I valued everyone else over me. I prioritised my need to appear resilient and independent over my need to ask for help and create space. I had underestimated the consequences of not taking care of me. And when our well is dry is when we truly appreciate the value of water.     These earthy events certainly have shaped my psyche and how I am currently behaving and felling. Experiences like that are not here for us to float through, the only way past it is through the thick, heavy middle of it. But when I started that process already behind, already drained, defeated and resentful I didn’t give my resilience much, if any chance to stand tall. I was well and truly behind the starting line but still expected to come out okay.     We know what self care is but do we understand the consequences of not embracing it? I only see it now because I feel it deeply. I’m in the thick of big heavy lifetime ordeals and no personal security blanket to get me through.      Now I can see the consequence so much greater than I ever thought.      It’s bigger than always feeling tired, having an unshaven body, sore muscles, piling up home duties, a growing list of “I wish I had time” activities, broken down friendships and a fragile mind. The consequence is depletion. Not only of your physical being but of your spirit.     I cannot come from a place of love when my base line is depletion. I cannot be there wholly for my kids when I am depleted. I cannot lovingly connect with my partner when I am depleted. I cannot even focus on tasks at hand, be productive, eat well, exercise and feel JOY in my life when I am coming from this place of depletion every day.     I can’t. Nor can you. Nobody can.     My well is now dry and I see the value of water.     Don’t make excuses for why self care is not number one for you. Everything else needs to sit a close second behind you taking care of yourself. It’s not selfish, you don’t need to feel guilty that for once it’s you over them. It’s not like that at all – self care is a group benefit. Your entire family unit will be better for you taking care of you, in whatever way that makes you feel whole again.     Please don’t be like me and keep soldiering on, assuring yourself you can do it. You can for some while until something in life will shift, life will happen to you and around you and will leave you feeling crumbled.      Don’t wait too long.      Understand now not so much how important self care is – but how destructive the consequence of its ignorance is.

Do you feel like you’re beautiful just as you are?

Do you feel like your weight and physical attributes determine your worth?
I know you’d hate to admit it, but I’d say you’re like me… and the rest of us. No we don’t feel beautiful just as we are and that is because we focus on the physical being a measure of our worth.
For as long as I can remember I have battled internally and also externally, with myself about my body. Thrashing my body at the gym or bashing myself with negative self talk.
Body shaming myself to the max. This behaviour was pre-kids when my focus was on my work and myself… pretty simple back then. Yet once I started a family, little did I realise this negative association with the way I looked would become so much more difficult.
And that isn’t so much because my opinion of myself got worse. More that the environment and the world we now live in has made the physical such a huge benchmark for whether we are good or not.
Everything right now is revolving around our physical appearance, it’s nearly impossible to escape it.
Social media is swarming with Insta mums and their perfect bodies, this potentially unachievable goal for so many of us leaving us feeling less than and dejected. Now it’s an every day practice to be getting injectibles and “fixer-uppers” instead of that being just for the rich and famous. There are tonnes of weight loss programs, shakes and miracle powders promising that you too can look just like her in 6 weeks.
It’s overwhelming.
But even more so, it’s sad.
I don’t have any issue with Insta mums and their amazing bods. Nor do I have an issue with botox, implants or miracle shakes. Each to their own, seriously no judgement here.
What I do have an issue with is the driver behind all of this. When did the physical take such an incredible leap and become our focus? When did we shut our eyes for a moment and have the landscape of social media and society in general change to be all about our bodies?
I know it’s always been around, like I said I’ve been battling this so a lifetime. But I’m sure you’re feeling me when you’re scrolling your feed… looking for something to pick you up and be a feel good hit. But you’re left empty and probably feeling worse and inadequate after the barrage of body obsession.
How do any of us or any of our children for that matter stand a chance when we have these standards in our face every day? When we will be free enough to have a moment of clarity and actually connect into our body… instead of forcing a belief onto ourselves?

Body connection is what we are lacking.

Body appreciation, self love, self acceptance, worthiness… this all comes when we are able to connect into our bodies.
Why aren’t we teaching our kids to connect and listen to their bodies instead of worrying about how perfect their makeup is at dance class… or how immaculate the filter is on their selfie?
How do we connect in to our bodies? How do we teach our daughters and sons to do the same?
Every day we take a single moment to listen. Take a breath, feel into your heart and wait. In that moment be grateful that the body you reside in has life. Be thankful that despite perhaps some health challenges… you can still take a breath.
Everything else outside of that moment is irrelevant. Loving ourselves post-babies, embracing our wrinkles, feeling strong again, vibrant, worthy and sexy will all come after we give our body the respect it needs, to acknowledge all that it does for us. The important stuff like that when we sleep it’s busy keeping everything ticking. While we move throughout our day it makes sure we take a breath without ever having to think about it. While we play with our children it is fighting bugs and protecting us from harm. When we eat our food it assimilates nutrients to feed our brain and entire body.
Perhaps if we can focus on the miraculous nature of our body if only for that one moment of our day, over time, the other stuff about feeling worthy because we are beautiful with a great body will seem so frivolous.

Perhaps in time we will realise that all along we were beautiful, strong, curvy, lean, sexy and perfect in our own unique way.

And when that moment comes we are no longer a soul residing in a body but a body moving in time with it’s soul.


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